10 things I would say if I could meet high school Me

1. Kiss You Know Who. What are you so afraid of? It obvious that he likes you. Except he should have had the courage to do it too.
2. Don't stop dancing. You are really good at it and the day that you realize that, you'll want to go back to it and it will probably be too late at that point.
3. Just suck it up and wear contacts. Believe me, they are way better than glasses every day.
4. Don't date Nick Wagner. Don't ask questions. Just don't do it
5. When you say that you'll never miss high school friends... you really will. Keep in contact with them.
6. Don't rush into finding a major as soon as you get to college. Take your time. Trying to get ahead of the game will only set you way back.
7. Learn how to skateboard. It always looks so fun.
8. Take advantage of Cape Cod while you live there. You'll miss it every day once you leave.
9. When driving a boat, in addition to watching out for lobster traps, also look out for giant rocks. Actually, scratch that. Go ahead and experience that one. It will make for a good story later.
   
10. Continue to let your dad drag you to rock concerts of a bunch of old guys. You can use it as a flirting tool later. Example, "I've seen Eric Clapton in concert..."
    

I'm a war of head versus heart...

So I literally haven't blogged in almost 2 months but I found an amazing new Pandora station that got my brain flowing to a place it hasn't been in a while.

Why is it that when something big in your life happens, it makes you re-evaluate all the other aspects of your life. And we all know what part of my life needs constant re-evaluation... my love life.

I've just hit a wall where I have no idea what to do or how I truly feel. I can no longer tell if its affection or habit, a want or just a convenience. I want to find someone else to be sure, but unfortunately their is no one waiting, or at least that I know of. Part of me wishes he would just move on first to confirm that he was really over me. But the other part knows that very well may crush me. Part of me is loving the convenience and freedom of the single life, but part is me can feel lonely and misses having someone to share those little moments wish.

I am completely split in two and I have no idea what side to follow. I don't want to give up, but for all I know there may not even be anything there worth holding onto

"We are the champions"... or not, whatever

I consider myself a big Red Sox fan, and have strong sense of pride for any Boston/New England sports teams. I find it to be a privilege to have grown up in a state that had such a big sports influence and bring home championships left and right. I enjoy watching sports, but its also not something I'll do when I'm just sitting home alone. If I'm somewhere and "the game" is on or I'm hanging out with guy friends, watching sports does not bother me one bit, but when home alone, I will choose the Real Housewives of New York or any other girly reality show over a sports event any day.

Between the World Cup and the NBA finals my Facebook newsfeed has been flooded with posts about sports and to be honest, I've been completely disgusted. After the Celtics lost last night and I couldn't even go on Facebook. Yes, I was sad that they lost but I said to myself, "oh well, we'll get them next year" and moved on with my life. I guess not everyone else had the same reaction. Half of my newsfeed was friends from MA, complaining about the refs and saying it wasn't a fair game. The other half was bitter Orlando Magic fans that jumped on the Laker's bandwagon, just to cheer for anyone that would play the Celtics. And then today, my newsfeed has been completely flood with comments about the soccer games.

I've learned that sports can bring out the worst in people. The horrible and rude comments has almost gotten to the point that I'm disgusted. There is a difference in having pride for your team and taking it too far.

Life is short and stressful, and after recent events in my life, I've learned that somethings are just not worth getting stressed over. For me, a losing game or a bad ref call is not something worth getting my panties all up in a bunch about.

"Everytime I hear that song, I go back"

In Kenny Chesney's "I Go Back" there is a line that goes, "We all have a song that somehow stamped our lives. Takes us to another place in time." Going through my iPod today, I stumbled upon songs that I haven't listened to in months, maybe in years. Not only do songs stamp our lives, but I have connections between songs and people.

Poison Oak by Bright Eyes: I had a friend in high school named Paul. He was eccentric, outgoing, judged, yet loved by many. I can connect artists like Bright Eyes, Dashboard Confessional, Death Cab for Cutie, and Hellogoodbye to rides in my best friends white Jeep, with Sam and Paul, driving through the back roads of Cape Cod. As we all went to different colleges, we tended to grow apart from Paul. He joined the army and was killed in combat almost 2 years ago. Although I will never get to see him again, I can vividly picture our care free days whenever I hear these songs

Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk: A shy young girl, with a passion for dance beyond her years. I was paired to do a trio to this song with 2 older girls from my dance studio. We performed this dance at many competitions and shined each time. I had never been more in love with dance than the times I performed this on stage, and I can still feel my body mimic the steps when I hear this song.

Desperado by the Eagles-: My first love was in high school with a boy named Garrett. It was a relationship far too complicated for 17 year old kids, and the long distance between us became too much. He had a voice that made me melt and I used to make him sing to me over the phone when we couldn't be together. I know he did it half a dozen time but this is the only song that stands out in my mind.

I could fill a book with things like this if I went through my whole iPod. Whether its a word someone said while a song was in the background or that I can tell you exactly what episode of One Tree Hill that plays that song. Music has shaped my life in many different way, and this is an appreciation that I hope to someday pass along to my children

"I just haven't met you yet"

I just spent the weekend with one of my best friends and her boyfriend. I don't mind being the so-called "third wheel" but oh boy, did it remind me how single I am. It did spark a bunch of questions in my mind about where my future man might spring up from.

Will it be someone I've known for years and just has never sparked my flame until now?

Will it be someone I meet in a completely random place?

Will it be a friend of a friend?

And the itsy-est bity-est part of my mind wonders if its going to be that one that just can't seem to let go?

One of my biggest fears about falling in love in the future is not knowing whether it really is love, or its just the attention that I love. As much as I'm afraid of being alone, I'm starting to think that I'm almost equally afraid of falling in love again.

"I might have to wait, I'll never give up.
I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever its right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life"
-Michael Buble

Part 2 of Major Life Changes

When my roommates or I have to vent or talk about life, or even just talk, we always sit on the kitchen counters. Dane Cook once stated that "something about the kitchen is medicinal" so maybe that's why we always end up there, but I had one of my biggest life epiphanies sitting on that counter. I realized that I never wanted to be a Speech Therapist. But now the issue was, what did I want to be.

Still sitting on the counter I made the probably not so politically correct comment of "I just want to work with little disabled kids all day." I realized I wanted to be a special needs teacher. Its something that I've been exposed to many different situations, but I was definitely out of practice with. I knew that with re-exposure, I would fall back into loving how I would shape and better both their and their parents' lives. I quickly jumped onto my computer to look up the information in the college course catalog, and introduced the idea to my parents that same night. Luckily, I have extremely supportive parents that knew how miserable I had been and backed my decision.

The next day, I went to an advisor in the education department and she helped me plan out the next 2 years of my life. YES, 2 more years of college. I was 6 months away from being done and I decided to tack on an extra year and half. I weighed the pros and cons and that time would be worth it. I'd be graduating with a major and a minor that would be extremely marketable in the field, and I have been told that I will be able to find a job whenever and wherever I want. And there is a very good possibility that those extra years in school will be almost or completely paid for by the University because it is a high need education field.

I pushed myself through the last few weeks of Communication Disorder classes, got mediocre grades, and I am now preparing myself for my first semester of education courses. I haven't been excited about school in 3 years and I can't wait to start my new classes.

Life this past year has been quite the rollercoaster, but I finally feel like I'm landing on flat ground. I knew I wasn't the happiest person, but you don't realize how unhappy you were, until you are truly happy again. I sorted out all of the things that were complicating life and can finally see a positive outlook on things to come.

So now that things are looking brighter, hopefully I can bring some new entertaining insights into this blog and ditch the life dampering ones for a while :)

Another Summer, Another Blog Post

Since its Summer again, and even though I'll be taking 4 classes, I should have more time to keep up with this again. My life has made some major turns in the past few months and the biggest one has been school.

When I went into college, i thought that I knew for sure that I wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. I had been a dance teacher for almost 6 years and being the oldest cousin on my mom's side of the family, I knew I had the natural talent and patience to work with children. After a semester of classes, I realized that the classes were so easy that I was bored and I also didn't want to spend 5 days a week with 25 five-year-olds because I had a fear that I wouldn't give my own children the attention they needed at home. So I started the search for a new major and career ideas.

I looked into every major in the catalog and couldn't decide what to do. My roommate at the time was a Communication Disorders major and I helped her study one night. I was intrigued by challenge of the school work. I thought it would be perfect for me. I could work with children, in a helping profession, and challenge myself through 2 more years of college and then 2 years of grad school.

By my Junior year of Com Dis, I was burnt out beyond belief. I had practically abandoned my sorority because I spent my days studying rather than socializing and I watched my relationship with Will go down the drain. I didn't give him the same attention I had given him before and he took a backseat to my school. I watched his heart break a little every time I forgot to kiss him hello because my nose was stuck in a book or my brain was distracted by upcoming tests. I busted my butt for C's when I'm used to getting straight A's. I would have given up but everyone assured me that I would get through it.

Senior year, Spring semester with only 6 courses away from graduating in December 2010, I seriously started to evaluate my future. I realized that all the hard work I did the past 4 years would be a waste because I didn't have the grades to get into grade school and the inability to get a job without a master's degree. Every other week I told my parents my plans for the future- whether it be letting my current job ship me off to whatever city they choose to go through intense retail manager training or attempting to apply for out of field grad programs in any state that would take me. None of these things I really wanted to do, but I'd settle on anything for some certainty in my future. I was/still am going through personal issues and I was looking for anything to tell me that the future was going to work out.

I've always been an overachiever and try my best at anything I do. I hate failing and I've always wanted to do something big with my life. The fact that I had no idea what I was going to do with the rest of my life made me feel like a failure. I knew I had to figure something out...

To Be Continued

"I've had enough so so for the rest of my life"

I found an old mix cd in my car, under my front seat the other day and decided to pop it into the cd player. To be honest, I was a little hesitant to listen to it because it was created when life was, let's just say, a little more simple, than it is now. But I am big girl now, so I threw it in, and forced myself to listen to all the songs, and I surprisingly got through all of them, tear free, and was content. But that was a total tangent, but one song that I thought might bring back memories, actually made my mind go in a different direction. It made me start thinking of what are turn-ons and complete turn-off when it comes time to search for a man.

Turn-Ons

When a guy is close with his family. While out to lunch with my mom a few weeks ago, sitting behind her I noticed a VERY attractive man, who looked to be in his early to mid twenties, eating lunch with someone who appeared to be his mother, aunt, grandmother, etc. I could have been completely wrong and it was his older mistress or maybe he wasn't even enjoying his lunch with said person, but from a distance, I was instantly attracted to the possibility that he was spending his afternoon eating lunch with his mother.

Little thoughtful gestures. If a guy will take 5 minutes out of his day to leave you note on your car, surprise you at work, whisper in your ear how beautiful you look, or even just a random hug or kiss in the middle of the day, I will melt in his arms in a second. These are all things that hardly take any effort but mean the world to me. I've had these things done to me, and I've done these for a past significant other and it is always appreciated.

A guy will hold a baby or play with a little kid without being asked to. I know I've always wanted to be 1 thing when I grow up, a mom. I think if a guy will voluntarily hold a baby or play with a little kid it shows that someday he will want to be a dad and he already seems to have a head start on those guys that could care less about little kids until they actually become a dad.

Turn Off

If the tone of your voice sounds like you've taken 1 too many hits on the bong. I was at work, running around like crazy, on an unusually busy Monday night. When a group of 3 decent looking guys make it to the front of the line at my register, I apologized for the wait. One of the guys began flirting with me and informed me that “the only thing he was waiting for was for me to marry him.” I blushed a little and continued to flirt a little bit, while trying to nicely turn down the offer for a date. Why, might you ask? Besides the cheesy pick up line that in other situations, I might actually fall for (if done correctly, they can be kinda cute) this guy sounded high as a kite. His friends sounded sober so I don't think they were all actually high at the moment, but it was just a major turn off.

You're wearing one of those Hollister Co. or Abercrombie & Fitch shirts with a semi-suggestive saying. I'm no prude on anything, but it just makes me think that you are a little too into yourself if you can parade around in a shirt that says “Don't get too excited. I'm only the wingman.” Ok, I won't get excited over you, I'll go hang out with the classy guy in a regular Hollister shirt. Luckily I just checked out Hollister and A&F's websites and didn't find any new styles of shirts like this. Hopefully this is fashion trend that has gone down the toilet.

This makes me feel really picky, but I guess this is time in my life to be picky, and there is no way I'm settling for anything less than everything I want.

One Word

Little Miss Sunshine State did this one word challenge so I figured I'd give it a shot while I avoid studying the ever boring Audiology

Cell phone? Dying

Hair? Short

Mother? Amazing

Father? Perfect

Favorite Food? IceCream

Dream last night? Bad

Drink? Tequila ;)

Dream/Goal? Success

Room you are in? Kubicle

Hobby? Sororitizing

Fear? Alf

Where do you see yourself in 6 years? Married?

Something you are not? Rich

Favorite Muffins? ChocolateChip

Wish list item? Boy lol

Where did you grow up? MA

What is the last thing you did? Procrastinate

What are you wearing? Sweatshirt

Favorite TV Show? Grey's

Pets? Cats

Friends? Hilarious

Your life? Rollercoaster

Your mood? Lethargic

Facebook? Yes

Favorite place to eat? iKiwi

Missing Someone? Sam

Your vehicle? Shitty

What you aren't wearing? Undewwear... jk Necklace

Favorite Store? AE

Favorite Color? Pink

Last time you laughed? 1:24 pm

Last time you cried? ???

Best friend? Sam

Place you go to over and over? School

She's from Boston

Ok, so I may not specifically be from Boston, MA but its a pretty good representation of what Massachusetts in general is like. Besides the obvious Boston accent, people from Mass tend to have some personality traits that at first someone make take as offensive, but honestly I'm proud of it. There is a huge list but here are a few that are completely true.

• Anything west of Worcester is the boondocks...and you know how to pronounce Worcester.
• The person driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you are cursing him for going too slow. You will most probably ride ass of said person until they move. (This is how I learned to drive, and believe that its the reason that I didn't rear-end the person in front of me during my accident because I'm used to tailgating)
• You can navigate a rotary without a problem.
• You think the rest of the country owes you for having things like Thanksgiving and independence.
• You know how to use the words "WICKED" and "GOOD" together.
  
• You know what the "BIG DIG" means, and have grown used to its inconvenience.
• You would never say, Cape Cod. It's "The Cape."
• You went to Old Sturbridge Village, Plymouth Plantation, or both, on a field trip in elementary school. (UGH too many times)
• You can drive to the mountains and the ocean, all in one day.

Moving to Florida has been so much fun, but I really do miss Massachusetts a lot and I will always be a Cape/Boston girl <3

"She wears a Red Sox cap to hide her baby dreads.
The girl she was in New England is different now and dead.
In all the local bars, she flirts and tells the boys while they're talking
that she's from Boston"

If my house was in need of an intervention, it would be....

So my roomies are probably going to kill me for this, but all three of us have major addictions that we need to get under control...

Roomie #1 - Diet Sunkist. She drinks Diet Sunkist everyday, and by drink, I mean anywhere from 3-8 cans a day. That's almost a pack a day. You are sure to find empty cans of Diet Sunkist around house, with the oddest place I've found one was in the shower. We have all agreed though that if she was drinking this same amount in alcohol, then we'd REALLY have a problem.

Roomie #2- Internet games. To be more specific, Farmville, Happy Aquarium, My Zoo, and I'm sure some others I'm not aware of. We'll be sitting at the table, doing "homework" and all of a sudden, I'll hear aquarium noises coming from her computer. Again, if she was putting this time towards something actually harmful, I might have to step in for a real intervention.

Roomie #3 (a.k.a. me)- Cheese. I will melt cheese on anything that will allow it. Pasta, nacho chips, chicken, fish, and I've even stooped low enough to melting cheese on saltines. Now I do consider this a real problem, and if I don't stop soon, I'm probably going to have some serious health problems in the future. I should prob just stop buying cheese.

I bet people would take some time out of their day to watch the T.V. show "Intervention" and see all our friends sitting around our living room, telling me how my cheese problem is ruining their lives.

Good Karma, Bad Karma

I'm a total believer in karma and "pay it forward" and all that jazz. When something not so fun happens to a not so nice person, my favorite phrase is "Karma's a bitch." Unfortunately, sometimes I feel as if my good deeds don't always seem to end in good karma.

Recent Good and Bad Karma-

Things that could result in good karma

• The man at the Target register gave me $10 too much change, and I returned the change later in the day after I noticed
• I picked up an extra shift after my shift for a kid that got his car stuck in a car wash (true story)
• Training for a 5k to benefit the Make-A-Wish foundation

Things that make me look like I deserve bad karma

• I get rear-ended on my way home from the grocery store the other day, which happened to be the same day I picked up that extra shifts
  
• I got a speeding ticket on the road that I purposely don't speed on because I know that there are often speed traps, yet I was jamming out to Miley Cyrus and didn't realize how fast I was going
• I have yet to find an adventurous life companion (I'll explain more later) and still end up dealing with the same immature guys

Oh, Good Karma. You're welcome to come around whenever you want. The sooner the better!

Road Rage-tastic

I would consider Road Rage a spectrum disorder, putting myself on the fairly normal side of the scale. I don't have that kind of rage where I'm going to try to force you off the road for cutting me off, or even flip you off if go before me when its my turn a 4 way stop sign. What I will do is have a conversation with you that you will never hear because I'm just giving it to myself in my car.

For example...

Situation: 4 way stop sign, I got there first, but you go out of turn anyways
My Reaction: "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?!"

Situation: You are in front of me at a turn only lane light. You don't go when the light turns green, so by the time I reach the front, the light is red again.
My Reaction: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? THESE ARE MINUTES OF MY LIFE I WON'T GET BACK!!"

Situation: You unnecessarily cut me off, when you could have waited 2 mins to merge in behind me.
Reaction: "REALLY?!?! ... REALLY?!?!... COOL!!!!"


I think after reading this, you'll think twice before being an inconsiderate driver around me ;)

Crazy Cat Lady in the Making

One thing I've come across lately is guys in their 20s who "really like you, but don't want a relationship." There is one little man in my life who isn't afraid of a commitment, loves to snuggle, and watches all my favorite tv shows with me...

Meet Knightro, my roommate's cat, named after our school mascot. We trained him well as a kitten by constantly coddling him and talking in constant baby voices. He's extremely easy going, hardly bites or scratches, and besides his annoying obsession with knocking over cups, is probably the best cat anyone could ask for. He's set me on the fast track to Crazy Cat Lady-ism.

New Year, New Blog Aproach

Life has been crazy since my last blog post during the summer. Its now 2010 and my New Year's Resolution is to be more carefree, and honestly, I've been horrible at it so far. I finally feel ready to start, though and I figured blogging about it will help keep me on track.

I basically plan to write about what its like being a 21 (almost 22 :/ ) year old, single girl trying to have the most fun she can during her last semester as a sorority girl, without letting the little stuff get her down.